Chemtrails! Globalists! Brain Force! Communists! Reptiles! Gay Bombs! Bengazi! Cloud people! The globalists are coming, Arm your family to the teeth To overthrow the government Lizard people from beneath The army's dropping gay bombs That turn the frogs to sin Take your daily Brain Force, Unleash power from within Chemtrails sprayed to sterilize at The government's behest To limit how many kids you have, One or two at best FEMA camps erected, Those tents will be your home Martial law will strip your rights In the quarantine zone Come on in to Jonestown, Where we all speak the truth Sidle up to Alex's famous Big Brain Kissing Booth Uncover all the secrets that Big government wants to hide Let Alex in, he'll fill you up With knowledge deep inside Day's here! It's God's plan! Grab the kids! To the bunker! Underground! I built it! Impenetrable! It's safe here! China nukes Can't hurt us! One day We'll return To the surface, To Jonestown! Alex's plan For the new world! Year Three: My least favourite son beat us all at Sorry. We killed and ate him. See you later, Corey! Year Eight: Jill is of ripened age to bear me my sons, fill earth like Genesis 9:1. Come on down to Jonestown, Where the bunker is your home Rats and roaches are your pets, You'll never be alone Uncover all the secrets that Big government wants to hide Let Alex in, he'll fill you up With knowledge deep inside “An historic victory for the Democratic Party tonight, as representative RuPaul has won the 2024 presidential election, becoming the first openly gay president in our nation’s history. The Dems took both the House and the Senate in landslide victories, giving them an unprecedented level of power.” “A big surprise today, as President RuPaul exercised his executive power to make heterosexuality illegal.” “Love is in the air tonight, as President RuPaul has been seen at a romantic dinner for two with Chinese President Xi Jinping. No word yet if President Jinping knows that RuPaul is not a woman- "I’m sure he’ll figure it out pretty quick depending on where their date ends up, Diane." "President RuPaul announced in this morning’s state of the union address that he will be dissolving the two-party system to implement a communist Republic. All hail Supreme Leader RuPaul.” "Tonight on TMZ, Supreme Leader RuPaul and bad boy heartthrob Xi Jinping have confirmed their engagement, with plans to marry next month! We’ve got exclusive pictures of the 2 pound diamond ring, and wish eternal happiness for the Supreme Leader and his fiancé.” "After a beautiful ceremony, Supreme Leader RuPaul Jinping has crowned his husband Xi Jinping Emperor of the United Provinces of Chinerica, dissolving the former nations of China and America. Glory to the empire, may their reign last 1000 years.” Creep up Out of the bunker See how the world's changed Since we last left her What is this new world? A bunch of libcucks? Gay president now?! This is so fucked up! So we'll return to Jonestown, Where they all know the truth Pray to our Lord Alex Jones, Drink the Brain Force juice Feel the liquid free us From our shackled mortal bonds To witness his glory in heaven, Alex Jones on the throne of God!

A sacred household artifact, The thermostat, I must guard Temperature fluctuations make Living in this house hard My fucking wife keeps touching it My kids won't let it be I'm freezing or I'm burning up, Natural gas ain't free! Nobody listens To my pleas I'm fucking begging all you shits Don't set it past 73 This is the last time I'll warn you guys Please don't touch the thermostat Don't make daddy cry I went to Home Depot And got myself a Nest Phone controls my thermostat, This is the fucking best! I get a notification Whenever it is touched Installed a hidden camera To catch those sneaky fucks Caught red-handed Can't hide this time Daddy's gonna punish you, Stand in a line Shoulder my rifle, Aim for the head Shouldn't've touched the thermostat You're all fucking dead! Temperate climate Has been achieved Nobody's here to fuck with it 73! But when I look back, The kids weren't so bad Maybe I was out of line... I'm just their step-dad

Eighteenth hole, Aim between the trees. Swingin’ my nine iron, Shot’s lookin’ clean. Ball quickly sailing Over the green. Hole in one, It’s my victory. Tiger walks over, Shakes my hand, “You’ve won the PGA, You’re the best in the land!” Hooter’s girls Lift me up, Carrying me and my Champion’s cup. My limo arrives, It’s quarter to ten. Spider-Man’s driving. “Hi, Uncle Ben! Let’s get Scorsese, He’s ready to go. He wants you to star in his New broadway show. It’s about a cool dad Who’s got all the moves. He’s hip with the kids, Buys them all booze. Cher’s playing your wife, Davito’s your son. All the Coke’s real, There’s a bag in my bum.” Applebee’s-bound, We roll up in style. The hostess comes out, Gives us a smile: It’s Barack Obama! He looks so glad, Hugs me tight and says “Thanks President Dad!” He hands me a menu, Am I reading this right? Shania Twain blowjob?! I’ll take five tonight! My compliments to the chef As Shania gobbles cock, she says, "I feel like a woman!" ... this Applebee's rocks! Head to Neverland Ranch, The password’s “Hee hee”. Michael comes out cuz he Feels safe with me. “No way you touched those kids”, He’s grateful to hear. A spaceship descends From which the Jacksons appear. They tell me I’m Emperor Of all outer space, They bring me to meet Jesus And I take his place. Now I am the universe, Transcend space and time, Change the basis of matter To Bud Light Lime. "Doctor, what's wrong with him?" "Well, Mrs. Dad, it seems your husband has a shoddy drive and poor form. I'd say it's a miracle if he's ever made par in his life." "W-what? His INJURY! Why is he in a coma?!" "Oh, THAT... He hit himself in the head with a golf club." "Will he still be able to play the piano when he wakes up?" "Uhh... could he play the piano before?" "Well, no... but he said he would learn in his wedding vows..." "How long do you think he'll be like this?" "Hard to say... but I'd honestly just pull the plug if I were you. Say, you free for dinner later?" "Isn't there anything we can do to try and bring him back?" "Well, studies HAVE shown that playing a patient's favourite song may stir activity in the brain..." Hey what happened? Where’d Shania go? I was so damn close, About to blow! Put me back in, I’m not ready yet, it’s more action Than I ever get! Whole thing was a dream, This is so lame Best day of my life Gone down the drain Pull the plug, Doc, I don’t want to live. I have no more fucks That I can give.

The company is growing and I’ve Been sent to Japan. I don’t speak Japanesey, What the fuck’s a Pokeman? When I land, my guides are jerks, Don’t respond to their names: Roboto and Miyagi, They all look just the same. My son wants me to bring back toys, But all I see is tits; Cartoon girls with giant eyes, Their clothes don’t even fit. Where are the giant robots, I thought they had those now? All I see are small ones used for sex That you can plow. Why won’t this guy speak English?! Asshole didn’t cook my fish! Make it again and do it right, Then give me a fork and knife! Don’t forget who dropped the bomb, Two of your cities dead and gone. The US kicked your ass back then, We can do it once again! Draw your sword, Fight me you coward! I watch UFC, Prepare to my face my power. Bow before the strength of Western man. I’ll crush you with my size 13’s, ‘Cause I’m big in Japan Stopped into a store today Just to buy some snacks, Walls are covered in hentai And pillows with huge racks. Seeing all these tentacles, How can I compete? I’ve only got six inches… They’ve got thirteen feet! On the train to my hotel, I’m talking on the phone. Obaachan gives me a look, I break her brittle bones. When do girls turn into geishas, I thought that’s how this worked? What’s a white got to do To get his wiener jerked?! Head into a hot spring To forget all of this shit. You can’t make me take off my shoes, You stupid senile bitch! Went to buy a Pepsi, But the flavours are all bad; Vending machines only carry Pickled plum or crab. Salaryman 1: 何だこれ？ Bartender: これ？すごく有名なメタルバンド、グリムダッド。とても上手で、すごく大事なバンド。そして世界中の中で一番尊敬されてる。 Salaryman 2: ひどい音、消してよ。 B: その人達好きだけど。 S1: その代わりに、スーパー忍者友達をつけてよ。 B: 何？！ S2: あ！今やってるから、つけて。 B: あんたたち本当にその子供のアニメが好きなの？ S1: スーパー忍者友達！スーパー忍者友達！ Both: スーパー忍者友達！ B: 分かった、ただ黙れ。お客さんが怖がってる。 S2: ...他のお客さん？ Amazing Ninja: すごい！ Cute Ninja: かわいい！ Cool Ninja: かっこいい！ Big Ninja: 大きい！ AN: やった！ CUN: 嬉しい！ CLN: 早い！ All: 頑張って！ 駆け回る 中の町 連む 僕友達 忍術 勉強してる ファイト・フォー ラーブ 一 ニ 三、四、 レーツ・ゴ 全部僕 友達 とてもかっこいい だよ 今みんあ の楽しい 忍術使い ましょ 毎日ウェ ファイト・フォー・ラーブ 本当に 一番好き 天気いいね 元気ですか スーパー忍者 友達！ Japan is fucked, I’ll never go back. No more tentacles Or pillows with cartoon racks. I’ve eclipsed the rising sun, But didn’t even tan. This is no place for a dad like me, I’m too big for Japan!

Cut through the bushes, I’m hot on its trail. That fucking cunt dingo Pinched my baby, Dale. Drank 18 VB’s, Spent the arvo right pissed. Left Dale by the barbie While his mum got me fist. I pull out a stubby, The dingo's in sight. I get in position To glass 'im just right. Fucker goes down, I skin him right then. Wipe the blood off my kukri, Scoop Dale from the den. But Dale's made a mate, The irony's crazy, I snatch up the pup, Stole that cunt dingo's baby!

Lawn needs some TLC, Miracle-Gro. I've mowed the whole yard, The sprinklers shall flow. My only desire Is to have the best lawn. Get up every day Just before the crack of dawn. Water the hydrangeas, Don't drown the roots. Prune all my hedges Of unwanted shoots. My gnomes are my passion, I hold them most dear. Gnome Almanac says That this is my year. Home and garden Is my life. Fuck my kids, Fuck my wife. My lawn and my gnomes Are all that I need. Spent my life savings On every last seed. That fucker Glenn down the street Is a prick. Flower beds wrapped with Artisanal brick. Fountains of imported White marble men. Sand gardens raked, He's achieved perfect zen. Every day I'm taunted As he stands there in his grove, His topiary masterpiece. The rivalry unfolds. Lawn Fancy Magazine Has room for only one. My gnome-town will be centrefold, Glenn's glory days are done. The judges Crown the winner. It's fucking Glenn. I'm done, this is the end. I cave in his head With one of my gnomes. His brains on my face, Now I'm in first place.

The winds of Hrothgar call to me... Turn on the Xbox to be free! I ground my son so I can play. Now I'm in Skyrim every day. And now it's daddy's turn to load up his save. The sweetrolls and my drawer of cheese... I do with Lydia as I please: Installed some mods, she's on her knees, But then they make the whole game freeze. I try to find mods that make things cool, Found one that turns dogs into trucks. Want mods that let me have a big pool Bikini chainmail, I'm no cuck! Make all my dragons Lightning McQueen, From Disney's Cars, you know the flick? Some mods are weird, have you ever seen a Khajiit Take Argonian dick? Jarls are now all Hentai girls, tentacles in Every hole, now the quest has broke. Crippled in despair By an inferior gaming machine, The Xbox could not handle My modding needs. I went to Best Buy, And told the Geek Squad to give me something That could run O-Sex in 4K. Now I can see Lydia’s vagina. Now I can fuck Alduin. Now I am Dragonborn. I am... FUS RO DAAAAAAAAD Stealing sweetrolls, Shout at Grey Beards, Summon Daedra, Burning mudcrabs, Fuck Lydia, Kill Emperor, Loot the Skyforge, Be a werewolf, Drown in skooma, Don't shout indoors, Iron dagger, Sneak 100, Speech at 0, Overburdened, Ride horse up cliff, Kill some kid's dog