1. |
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2. |
Welcome to Chili's
02:22
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RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBS!
Dinner with the family,
It's Chili's tonight!
Exalted temple of flavour,
Apease my yearning flesh!
Burgers, pizzas,
Margaritas,
One more Bull-Dog.
Where's my Rolaids?
Burgers, pizzas,
Margaritas,
Saccharine treats,
Unholy feast of gluttony.
DON'T TOUCH MY FRIES!
A towering mass
Lurid Tex-Mex delight.
Bile burns the throat.
The time is nigh...
WELCOME TO CHILI'S!
A choice must be made
This godless night.
An entree to satisfy
The hunger inside...
Chicken or beef,
Which shall it be?
A main course
Fit for The Beast.
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3. |
Kickstart My Heartburn
03:01
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HURTS SO BAD!
Acid from below erupts violently,
Burning the esophagus - acrid bile.
Happens every time we eat out,
Get it without a fuckin' doubt.
Gotta watch what I eat,
Heartburn's comin' for me, OW OW OW
No chance stopping it now,
This I can never allow.
Where the fuck did all my
Rolaids go?! OW OW OW OW
KILL ME NOW!
The reflux comes swift and sure,
Evening turns into a blur...
Happens every time I eat chicken,
Timebomb inside slowly tickin',
Ass explodes all over the kitchen,
Wife is screaming at me OH NO NO
No chance stopping it now,
This I can never allow.
Where the fuck did all my
Rolaids go? OW OW OW OW
Happens every time I drink beer,
Out with the boys hunting deer.
Doc says I got less than a year,
Ulcer is coming for me NO NO NO
No chance stopping it now,
This I can never allow.
Where the fuck did all my
Rolaids go? OW OW OW OW
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4. |
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5. |
Dungeons & Drag-Dads
03:03
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Come closer, I'll tell you of treasures untold
In tent number 9, where parking passes are sold...
Went to the renaissance fair,
Put on a robe and did my hair.
My quiver's full, my sword is sheathed,
A maiden's hand hath been bequeathed.
Left my wife and kids at home,
At the fair I'll claim my throne.
When I get home, I'll be in shit,
But I don't care 'cause the fair was lit!
Out with the boys, the mead shall flow.
The day's events: the wife shan't know.
On the hunt for medieval ho's...
My +1 club begins to grow.
Hooked up with a troll today.
I got crabs, but that's ok.
The wizard, he says that they'll go away
If I rub my dick with this clay.
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6. |
Brokeblackgaze
04:22
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Son went to a blackgaze concert,
Came back gay, I bet his ass hurt.
Varg says gays should all be slaughtered,
No gay son will I have fathered.
Gross!
Wait!
Maybe I can fix this...
The ranch!
My last bastion of hope,
Where he
Can learn to be a man.
No more
Dick for his eager mouth.
He'll see
What being a man's about.
Pack your bags, we leave this weekend
For the ranch where there are real men.
Teach you to be manly proper,
Want a son and not a daughter.
We're here...
Wait, they're queer?!
Cowboys can't be gay!
They're all
Wrestling without shirts,
Writhing
In the mud and the dirt.
Somehow
It looks like lots of fun?
Could be
That I misjudged you, son...
YEEHAW!
Varg was wrong!
Gays are fun!
I love you, son!
You'd make a great power bottom!
Those gay cowboys taught me so much,
My bigoted heart they did touch.
I'll march in the next pride parade,
Tell the world I'm proud my son's gay.
I was wrong, I see that now,
While learning how to work a plow.
There is nothing wrong with gays,
Now I listen to blackgaze, too.
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7. |
Pro-Pain
02:50
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Fire up the grill!
First take your meat and marinate it good
Sprinkle spices over top and char some wood
Cedar plank or maybe oak for smoky musk
Flavours great for your steak without the fuss then FIRE UP THE GRILL!
RUB ON SOME DILL!
BACKYARD’S A THRILL!
FIRE UP THE GRILL!
Big weekend’s starting
Fourth of July
Wifey’s baking fifteen
Crisp northern pies
Whole street is coming,
Won’t believe their eyes
A mountain of weiners,
Burgers, and fries
Gotta dip the Franks in some honey glaze
Sweetly caramelizes as they touch the blaze
Tell the vegans it’s meat-free, they’ll be amazed
But it’s a lie because I know it’s just a phase
So FIRE UP THE GRILL!
ONE BITE WON’T KILL!
FOOD IS FOOD STILL!
FIRE UP THE GRILL!
FIRE UP THE GRILL!
LOOK AT DAD, JILL!
THAT COOKED ALRIGHT, BILL?
FIRE UP THE GRILL!
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8. |
Farfar Away
02:32
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9. |
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Frozen bite of winter cold
Stings the flesh and burns the throat.
Black ice lurks below the snow,
Make sure you know before you go!
Take responsibility and purchase winter tires,
Softer rubber means the tire won't become rigid in the cold.
Always plan your trip and pack a kit for emergencies:
Warm gloves and a winter hat, don't forget a blanket too!
Drive defensively and slow down.
Leave some space and watch for snow plows.
Posted limits: you must adhere,
Moose or caribou could appear!
Winter driving risks are yours to take,
You could spin out, make no mistake.
Unlike your summers at the lake,
The weather takes no holidays.
Call your tire shop and book your
Car in to swap out your tires.
Follow this advice and you'll be safe,
Trust me, I'm not a liar.
Now a PSA from Sorceron,
With his advice you can't go wrong.
We hope you've learned well from this song,
The time has come to say so long!
Contrary to popular belief,
All season tires are not appropriate replacements for winters.
Black ice can appear at the worst times,
Putting you and your loved ones at risk.
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GrimDad Edmonton, Alberta
Progenitors of "Dad Metal" and guardians ov the thermostat.
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